Chapter 31

The main street of Wakefield city centre is abuzz with the strange combination of hardcore passionate music fans, and regular Saturday night drinkers, slipping in and out of Flares and Reflex. But still, you see plenty of people in Long Division T-shirts and wristbands. It feels good; it feels like the city is yours.

This feeling of camaraderie sees a fellow Long Divisioner invite you to the traditional Wakefield Pieshop. You tell him you are a bit skint, but he doesn’t care. He says it’s his treat.

You emerge, full of happiness (and pie) back on the Westgate. Walking down towards the station you see a huge coach parked outside Mustangs. You presume it is The Fall’s tourbus, though it is incredibly large and really rather swish. It has two tiers of blacked out widows and everything.

As you walk past, the door opens with a futuristic and enthusiastic SWOOSH! A man with a trim beard sticks his head out, his frantic expression darting from side to side, in urgent search of something. He looks pretty strung out.

Hey you’ he says, pointing those crazy eyes directly at you. ‘You know where I can get some coffee round here? I’ve not had coffee for…’ he pauses and turns back into the coach.

Hey Pat, how long since we had coffee?” he says, in a strong American accent. Before he can get an answer, he turns back to you.

Doesn’t matter, I have too much of that stuff. You like coffee? I love it man, you Brits go for the tea don’t ya? Tea, man, aint got nothing on coffee I can tell you.

You wonder what the hell is going on. This guy seems seriously strung out. You are about to walk away and leave this strange man hanging out of the doorway of his coach when you see a laminate dangling from his neck. It says Foo Fighters on it. This man is Dave Grohl.

Before you can react, he’s back in your face.

Look man, we need some help. We are out of coffee. We are lost. Where the hell are we, is this Nottingham? I need to sleep. And I also need coffee. Did I mention we are lost?

With that he darts back inside the coach and is gone. Then almost as quick he is back.

Here’s the deal. Can you get us to Glasgow? I think it’s Glasgow we are heading for, is that right Pat? Yeah. You wanna come and party with us on the tour? But we need two things. First up, do you know where we can get coffee.

Yes, you tell him, thinking you can surely blag your way to a supermarket or something.

Awesome. Second thing; are you cool enough to hang with me and the dudes back there? I mean, really, are you? We don’t just let anybody get on this here coach y’know. You got to give me some indisputable evidence that you know all about rock and / or roll my friend.